


i'll always remember us this way

by maleclipse



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coda, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Everything Hurts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 05:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18492715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maleclipse/pseuds/maleclipse
Summary: It took all of Alec's willpower to walk away.(3x18, alec's walk back to the institute.)





	i'll always remember us this way

**Author's Note:**

> uh oh 3x18 angst i swear i'll stop.
> 
> title from always remember us this way by lady gaga.

The look in Magnus’ eyes - Alec couldn't handle it. He knew if he looked, he'd give in. He'd be selfish again. He'd throw all of Magnus’ life away to have a relationship with him. He couldn't let himself do that, not even when Magnus begged and kissed once, twice, three times.

_Stay with me._

It took all of Alec's willpower to walk away, but Magnus deserved more than Alec was able to give.

His steps were heavy, he felt like throwing up and his was mind reeling through all the memories they had made - all of the lazy mornings, kisses, fights, nights out, nights in.

He remembered their second trip to Paris, making love on the balcony and feeling like they had all the time in the world. He remembered the exact taste of green tea on Magnus’ lips that night.

He remembered their trip to London, the kisses on the Tower bridge and the silent conversations of future.

He remembered their trip to Rome. The stars were brighter than any other night and they spent three hours watching them. It was the first night when Magnus really opened up to Alec - told him stories of his life and past lovers.

He remembered their trip to Peru. They had to leave before Magnus was discovered, but it was fun and beautiful and so _Magnus._  Alec loved every second of it.

He remembered one of the first nights he stayed over, how the loft's balcony became so important to them. They kissed a long time and nothing had ever felt so right before.

He remembered all of that and he still had to walk away, to leave it all behind.

But he would do anything to make Magnus truly happy.

( _You're not this selfish._ That's what Magnus had said to him. If he could only know, all Alec did was to make him happy again.)

Alec didn't notice coming to the Institute. He didn't notice walking straight to his office. He didn't notice Izzy's worried and slightly disappointed looks.

What he did notice was one of Magnus’ shirts folded on the couch. What he did notice was the rose petals of last night, and the tears that had started running down his cheeks.

What he did notice was Izzy storming to the office, stopping dead in her tracks from the sight of her crying brother.

“Oh, Alec,” was all she had to say to make Alec break into sobs.

They hugged for a long time, but somehow every minute only felt worse. 

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be alec pov and how he feels about the break up but??? oh well??? 
> 
> anywayss kudos & comments are appreciated!! anddd you can also catch me on [tumblr](https://eclipseben.tumblr.com/)


End file.
